Long Time No See

Salam..hi..
Wow, I totally forgot about this blog already. Yup, Cik Neeza just sign in after quite some time..years actually.
I have been pretty busy in those years..get through life as final year student..try to graduate at time...then got busy doing job hunting. A lot things have happen in those years...well I will talk about it later in the future k..😉
Right now.. I start doing job hunting back. To be honest, it's really hard to get job nowadays. But it's okay I'll try to keep on trying..
I have a lot of free time right now. So, I try to fill those "free time" by learning new things..things that I've done yet. So i try on baking and gardening vegetable right now. I really enjoy. I'll updates on them later k.
I need to sign out first..since got other things to do.
Bye for now.😁😁

Good or Bad???

      There could be a moment where you really question to yourself...is it I am good enough...as a daughter, as a friend, as a sister,and etc...For me, the question always comes around to my mind...You really one to be good person to person your take care of. But seems we don't have a clue either. We really thought that we have done much enough for them. Apparently, it isn't. I'm just human who still learning...sometimes, I do/ say something that I don't supposed to. Also, maybe I do something that cross line your personal. I really didn't mean that. I'm really sorry.
       Am I doing good enough???? Sometimes this question really burdened me enough. I know it but surprisingly at the same time, I still striving for it. It has kinda feeling where you took long journey, run hard for your destination but you can't seem your final destination. Wondering to my self, am I going to live like this for the rest of my life? I really can't imagine it. There are something inside my self, from bottom of my heart, told me that I missing something...something that should be one of a part in myself. Truly hope could find that missing part.
     
P/S: For somebody, forgive me for always trying to call u these days. It just I feel lonely...I just wanna share something with u. I know you have a lot of thing to take care of but I just want you to hear. I didn't ask much. I know I'm such crybaby during old times and I did promise not to disturb for such small things. So,I didn't call u. Next week I'm gonna having exam. So. I really wants to hear your voice, giving support for me. Maybe for you, it just a small thing, but it meant a lots for me.

Love????

Hmmm....rasanya semua orang pernah merasa pengalaman cinta pertama...begitu jugak aku...cukup bertuah seseorang jika cinta pertama nya berbalas...namun malangnya not for me...I used to know a guy and we are quite close to each other...He is the first guy i'm quite close to and sehingga sekarang takde lagi kawan lelaki yang serapat dengan dia...Dalam tempoh kami berkawan tu, aku simpan perasaan kat dia...and aku tak tau is he realise it or not...my friends told me to confess to him but I don't have lots of courage to confess...aku rasa aku hanya layak sebagai kawan dia je...so i just keep it quite...many frenz ask me kenapalah aku boleh suka sgt kat dia...coz my frenz seem doesn't like him very much..But hey everybody not a perfect right...I know he has few weaknesses but he has some good quality that i see in him...pendekkan cerita dia ada hampir semua ciri2x lelaki yang aku suka...yang penting sekali dia hormat orang tua...tu yang aku suka sekali...after few years...we start to be apart...tak tau salah sapa...it just happen suddenly..in these few years, i thought i already forgot him...but it seems not..i still miss him...but cannot be sure is it because of love or as a frenz..what I know is to be able heard news about him can make me smile all day long. Ah, like crazy person...huhu..:)
Huhu...mengarut dah aku subuh2x ni...hehe....

Fake Smile...

Who I Am? The question that I always ask to myself....and I can't answer it...Honestly, aku pun tak kenal dah sapa diri aku sekarang...Mcm manusia takda pendirian...Aku banyak mengalah. Sebabnya aku nak semua org kat sekeliling aku gembira..Aku tau hidup ni kena give and take...But aku rasa aku dah banyak sgt give kat org lain...Aku ada sorang member ni...dia byk perhatikan aku...Dia ckp "Ezan, hidup ni kena ada give and take...tapi kalo ko slalu nak mengalah je...di mana kebebasan ko?" Pertanyaan dia buat aku tersentak sekejap and wat aku berfikir..Then, Aku realized yang aku dah lama hilang diri sendiri...Sebab nak puaskan hati org...Orang kata ok tak...Aku akan automatik kata ok, then bagi senyuman yg aku rasa tak tau ikhlas ke tak...Aku tak tau sejak bila aku jadi mcm ni...Aku hilang identiti diri, aku dah lupa tujuan aku dtg ke sini...which is to study...nak wat mak bapa aku bangga...So, member aku tu suggest kat aku " kekadang we have to say No kalo hati kita x rela, so just say No and I'll bet ur friends will understand". Aku betul2x hargai nasihat dia. Kekadang sebab nak jaga hati org, hati aku sendiri yang terluka dan aku just cover dengan satu senyuman. Then, aku tanya kat diri aku " since when ko jd mcm ni? Ko ada matlamat sendiri, ko ingat tak? Where do you put your own 5 years life plan" You've forgotten that?". So, right now I already try to change my schedule life slowly.Thanks byk2 kat member aku yang wat aku tersedar...walaupun ko muda dari aku...tapi kematangan ko berfikir betul2x wat aku respek kat ko...Thanx Buddy...:) 
Seriously, kehidupan aku sekarang agak kucar-kacir sedikit...tak tau lah kenapa...Kekadang aku rasa mcm dah nak rebah...jatuh tersembum kat bumi ni...Tapi aku ingat semua pengorbanan family aku...wat aku jadi kuat semula...Aku jadi lebih bersemangat...Aku dah duduk kat Arau ni tak sampai pun setahun...tapi aku dah jumpa mcm2x org...and what the weirdest thing is...aku jumpa perangai org yang sebijik dengan perangai ex-BFF aku kat Sabah dulu...maksudnya aku dah terkena 2 kali dengan 2 org yg berbeza...Kengkadang aku jadi sangsi kat org...dah susah nak percaya kat org. I was afraid..afraid to get hurt for the third time...Then, masa silam yang datang menerjah minda. Sesuatu yang aku patut lakukan lama dulu. Sesuatu yang aku pendamkan kat dalam hati dan aku tak luahkan. That thing haunted me. Seriously, I've got really hard times due to these problems...many things got mixed up..personal+study=suffer. Aku pun tak tau nak citer kat siapa..tak tau nak percaya sapa...I really hope one day I can solve these problems...

p/s: Macam biasa...Mulakan hari anda dengan senyuman...:) (Jgn risau ni ikhlas punya) hehe...:P

Sem Baru....Azam Baru....

Hmm...sedar tak sedar dah nak masuk baru....adui bermula lah kehidupan stress sebagai seorang pelajar U....hehe...last few days....just got my result....nduk bah totally dissapointed lah ngan result...kalo nak ikutkan salah aku sendiri jugak....too much fun I think....As always, slalu terkena kejutan budaya....bukan pada tempat tapi pada course tu sendiri..haha....Punah harapan ku mau dpt biasiswa ni....Apa yang aku melalut ni...So we back to the point, sem ni aku tak nak tamak sgt dah nak amik byk sgt subjek..Karang aku jugak yang terangkat semua tu..

Seriously, ada jugak baiknya aku tak balik sem ni...It gives me times to recap all things that I have mess up during last sem...In these few weeks, I thought a lot...How life can be unfair sometimes...how people treat u and other things...Totally a lot of thought....Well, kejayaan tu kan tak mungkin datang bergolek, ia harus ada usaha...So, aku fikir dan berfikir, result yang aku dapat ni reflect usaha aku sem lepas...which is not good enough. So sem ni aku kena usaha atleast 2 times than last sem untuk recover pointer aku....Byk pengajaran yang aku dapat dari sem lepas...

1) Never delay ur lab report/ assignment.(Byk buang masa time study week pasal nak siapkan dua benda ni)

2)Prepare & study for ur test and quizzes. ( Ur OGA really effect ur result...Mana taknya ratio tuk most subject 60:40...exam just 40%)

3) Jangan ponteng kelas..(1 hour class boleh cover byk benda...& u will lost for the next class)

Kalo aku fikir balik, bodohnya aku...it's kinda hurt feeling u know to inform result like that to ur parent...it feels that I kinda disappointing them... eventhough my mum said "it's ok..try harder next sem"...but I know deep inside her kinda dissappointed....they flew me away to this place Arau and I just got that kinda of result for them...I felt useless and ashamed to myself coz they sacrifice a lot for me...I'm so sorry mum dad...I'm kinda dissapointing u guys...I'll promise to try harder this sem....

So buka sem ni kena ada azam baru....No more play, need to work on my study...(Tapi sekali-sekala boleh la saja release tension)...hehe...

Ini hanya lah luahan hati seorang insan yang begitu rindukan keluarganya...

papun mulakan harimu dengan senyuman...:)

p/s: Mum, thanx for keep in faith on me and always support all of us on what we are doing...:)

Cuti Sem + Lesen

Aduiii...lama giler aku tak update my sweety nie...dah bersawang gamaknya....huhu...sorilah sweety....busy ckit...so sekarang ni cuti sem, adalah masa nak post...hehe...padahal lama dah start cuti, baru jer ada mood...hmm...hari ni nak citer apa ye...haha..tak tau nak citer apa..

Time cuti sem ni, aku tak balik Sabah....wargh....meraung gak sebenarnya...tapi apa leh wat, tiket mahal kot....tak nak lah bebankan parents plak kan....yg penting time raya karang, aku mesti balik...hehe...tu wajib tu....So, time first day cuti tu...oklah ckit....bab kengkawan ramai tak balik lagi...Then, lama-kelamaan kengkawan berkurang...lastly aku tinggal sorang...sedih siot...feel lonely semacam jer....emo ckit ah time tu....Member pun pelik napa aku tak balik Sabah, hmmm....Tiket flight ke Sabah pulang-balik dalam RM1000++++ kot....adui tak ke botak kepala mak bapak aku...dari aku balik melepak jer kat umah...better aku amik lesen kat sini...

Hehe...yup aku skrang dalam proses mengambil lesen...hehe...Sabtu lepas, aku berjaya meluluskan diri dalam ujian undang2 jalan raya....huhu....so, Insya'allah esok dah boleh masuk kelas amali/bengkel...Kira amik lesen kat Perlis ni murah lah bab kalo kat Sabah boleh cecah dlm RM 1200++ kot, kalau kat Perlis nie dalam RM 600++...Jimat aku separuh harga...haha...

So, my sweety doakan aku supaya cepat2 dapat lesen ye...huhu...So, sekarang ni mmg bosan giler2...aku tak tau nak wat apa...Habislah mak ayah ngan adik-beradik aku jadi mangsa borak kat phone...haha...kaya giler siot...huhu...

Apapun mulakan harimu dengan senyuman...:)

My Life As a Cikgu To a Student....

Assalamualaikum....dah lama aku tak post kat sini...biasalah busy ckit....taklah banyak macam menterikan...tp mmg busy lah...mcm2 jadi kat hidup aku...First pertengahan bulan 8 camtu aku dapat tawaran guru ganti kat satu sekolah ni lah kat kunak....mereka tawarkan jadi cikgu matematik lah konon....tapi tup2 aku sampai kat sana...aku kena ajar 3 subjek: muzik, pendidikan seni dgn pendidikan muzik...nasib baik dia tak bagi aku pendidikan jasmani...kalo tak, tak terbayang den ni ha....huhu....best gak lah jd pendidik ni...disayangi anak murid....huhu....

Nasib bek lah anak murid aku tak camni...kalo tak dah lama pengsan bab darah tinggi...huhu...

Tapi aku tak lama kerja...2 minggu jak...Coz aku dpt tawaran belajar kat UiTM dalam Ijazah Sarjana Muda (kepujian) Kimia Gunaan ok...huhu...menjangkaui fikiran tul...dah lah lama aku tinggalkan kimia ni...huhu..untuk pengetahuan sumer sebeleum ni aku budak fizik ok.....huhu...tak ke jauh tu...Tapi ni aku tak kisah sgtkan...at least aku dapat further study kan....Cuma aku takut giler dgr tempat dia...ARAU, Perlis....fuyoo....jauh giler aku kena merantau. Dek kerana aku tgk mak aku xcited aku dpt sambung study ni...dgn rela hati aku pergi gak kat Arau ni...sorang2 plak tu dari Sabah...gerun, takut...sumer ada lah...bercampur baur....tapi takpa demi sambung belajar aku teruskan jua....

Nilah UiTM Perlis di Hatiku....huhu...

ok kat sini kitaorang duk menyewa la...bab kitaorang budak lepasan diploma...so duk luar lah...huhu...Tapi kat sini not bad la...bab jarang nak tgk uitm yang landai jer cam uitm perlis ni...cam uitm s.alm dan sabah...berbukit bukau...cuma tu lah aku kna belajar gak loghat dorang ni...ada gak yang aku tak pham...First bahasa yang aku tau adalah kupang...aritu kat kedai lah...Camni citer dia

Kak Cashier: Dik, ada 2 kupang tak?

Aku:???? Apa dia kak???

Kak Cashier: Ada 20 puluh sen tak???

Aku: Ada.

Rupa-rupanya akak tu tanya ada 20 sen tak....takpa2 nanti aku blajar lagi kat kawan2 aku kat sini..huhu...banyak lagi nak citer nie....Tapi lab report aku dah memanggil dah tu tuk disiapkan...Nanti ada masa, aku post g eh...

Papun...Mulakan harimu dgn senyuman...:)